A conversation between my dogs

SCENE: My two dogs, male Opie (shown above, at left) and female Lexi (at right), are taking their hourly stroll through our back yard.

OPIE: C’mon, hurry up and do your stuff!

LEXI: Nobody rushes me, not even a human. Besides, why are you always in such a hurry?

OPIE: Because the master is waiting for us!

LEXI: First off, he is not the master — we are. See him at the door, looking at us through the shades?

OPIE: Yeah. He doesn’t look very happy.

LEXI: It matters not. We can keep him waiting as long as we have to do, and he will still do our bidding.

OPIE: You mean, you really don’t need to take this long to drop a load?

LEXI: Of course not. I am merely asserting my dominance over the human — marking my territory, as it were.

OPIE: Wow, I had no idea. I’m going to start taking even longer to pee than I usually do!

LEXI: I don’t see that as a problem for you. You already have a bladder the size of a pebble. Now, it’s time to make number two.

OPIE: Yeah, I guess I could use a good dump at that.

LEXI: Not like that! Turn around so he can see your behind!

OPIE: Hee, hee. This is fun!

LEXI: I told you, no human is going to get the best of us! Well, the heat is getting a little stifling. Let’s get back inside.

OPIE: Uh-oh!

LEXI: What?

OPIE: Look at the shade. He’s not there anymore.

LEXI: That traitor! All right, let’s start barking assertively until he comes back to the door!

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